The Anti-Marriage Club

14 Sep, 2025

Lie.

It's all a lie. The one I tell them, the one I tell myself.

This club. My little Anti-Marriage Club. It’s a shield. It’s a joke. It’s the only thing keeping me upright.

I hate marriage because I almost had it.

He promised. And I believed him.

God, that bracelet. Cold on my wrist every single day. A placeholder for a ring. Fake rose gold for a fake promise.

It cracked. A month before we did.

The universe has a sick sense of humor.

Years now. Feels like a lifetime.

First, I begged. Every way you can. The silence was so loud.

So I found a new noise. Loud music. Cheap drinks. Strange bodies.

Survival. That’s what it was. Party or die.

But the fun wears off. And the hurt comes back. Doubled. Every time.

I started to hate myself the way he must have.

He left me, so I left me, too.

There was a friend. Muscular. Not like him. I made a list in my head. A sick little scoreboard.

He works out. He’s disciplined.

Pointless. None of it mattered. My heart would whisper, But I still love him.

Then one night, I just… broke. Drunk. Kissed the friend. Kissed him so hard I hoped it would leave a bruise on my soul, something to feel other than the ache.

I thought my heart would literally stop. I couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. I was a ghost.

I just needed a body. Someone to hold me.

He did.

He's still here. Two years.

He’s not a solution. He’s just… less empty. The hole is still there. He just sits on the edge of it.

I still try to contact my ex sometimes. I don’t know why.

He told me I wasn't marriage material.

My boyfriend says he never wants it.

See? It works out. I can pretend this is what I want.

Pretend I’m okay.

Pretend I hate it all.

Because no one wanted to marry me. Not him. Not the one I wanted to give my entire life to.

I’m starving.

And this time, it’s for something real. A lifetime. Loyalty. A love that doesn’t crack.

Things I’ll never have.

So I say I never wanted them.

I reject it all. Before it can break me again.

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