I want to unsee the world.
When I lived in my hometown, I felt so confined. I felt like a "bird without wings, a butterfly without colors," as explained in my diary. I wanted to travel and see the world. I wanted to contribute to humanity and be someone, before I died. I detested the mundane life I was living with my parents, huffing and puffing at the thought of staying there forever with my potential locked away.
I was completely wrong. I wish I stopped there and did not explore the world. My parents had built a little comfortable nook for me that was safe against the dangers of the world, and I would not listen. I ventured out into the world with nothing else except myself, and I paid dearly the price for it. I felt that I would be undefeated. Except, I feel disgusted now with myself. I have seen too much, experienced too much and been too much. All I want is to be tied down now with no freedom, for real. To be kept hostage against my will, because I do not know what is good for me. Other people who loved me did. I was too stubborn, too childish to care.
I have to admit: being kept against my will locked in a cage was the best time of my life. I do not want to see the world. I want someone by my side. I want someone who cares about me when I am sick. I just want someone by my side. I no longer want to come home to an empty house. I no longer want to be with people who could care less about me whether I lived or died. I no longer want to be so cold and devoid of emotions because it is the only way for me to survive. I am no longer satisfied living like this. It is nearly draining me.